The Relaxing ? Tween Years

Just when you think your child is finally old enough to spend some time playing with friends without your constant supervision, can fix their own snacks and can entertain themselves- it's time to get even more involved in their lives! You thought you could go back to relaxing a little , watching adult TV shows , and having adult only conversation.. Forget it. It's time to coach , attend performances, bus kids to activities and host sleepovers!!

The tween years, 8 to 12, can be smooth sailing for many kids , with 13 being a jump into the rough teenage moody years. For other kids, especially girls, the tween years can be the rocky beginning of the tumultuous teens. Either way a parent must be prepared for the teen years when kids crave independence and control of their lives and yet have displays of behavior that prove their immaturity.

How can a parent best prepare for the bumpy teen years?

The answer is to insure a close relationship in the tween years. If a tween enjoys and respects their parent, setting rules and getting compliance from a teen will be much easier.

Here are a few tips to help bond the parent and child relationship during the tween years

Ensure your tween has an opportunity to find activities besides school work and home leisure that are challenging and fun. The possibilities are numerous; sports, music, art, science , volunteer organizations, civic clubs etc. Make sure they try a variety until they settle on a few favorites. As a parent you must ensure they follow through with the commitment they make and most importantly you must get involved in helping to support the activity. The involvement can be simply attending performances, or keeping records, or running the whole show if you are so inclined. Your tween will be thrilled you are there and you will have lots to discuss at the dinner table.

Schedule daily time to talk to your tween. Ideally this is a meal time but could be bedtime or right after school. Your work schedule may dictate this time, but it needs to be every day. It needs to be a relaxed, non-rushed period when the two of you can just chat about life or problems or anything really. The point is to let the kid know you are available and you care.


Get to know your tweens friends and their parents. Allow the friends to be at your home frequently and include them in activities and fun. Your tween will want to stay at their homes and you want to know that environment is a safe and supervised home. Again, you are showing your kid that you care enough to get involved in their lives.

So, keep your tween busy in healthy activities, be a part of these activities and be available to listen and chat. Build a strong bond before you head into the teens years, the ride will be less "bumpy." ( there's that cute word again to describe the TEEN years LOL)


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Watch Out For Tween Trainers

Tweens.........my my how they can TRAIN us to jump through hoops for them if we are not careful!
Then when we are sufficiently trained to please them in every possible way, (by now they are 18 and so pleased at our abilities to perform) we go out into the world and do our tricks and embarrass ourselves HORRIBLY!

Not me of course, I knew better.

This past weekend My dh and I went to my dd's college orientation program. Teens and parents in separate lectures and Q&A sessions of course! Kids learning stuff they don't think Mom knows,....... and parents being warned about stuff they should not let the teen know, they know. lol

Anyway, some of the "well trained" parents spoke up and asked questions that were very entertaining to the rest of us (smarter parents), and made complete fools of themselves!

"Do you have a laundry service I can get for my son?" NO

"Do you notify me if my daughters grades start to fall?" NO

"How many classes can they miss before they get in trouble?"

NO one cares if they miss class

"What time do the boys have to be out of the girls dorms?"

No one cares about this.

"What time are -'lights off"?

No time, in fact some students stay up all night

"I think the AC units next to the window are too noisy for my son to be able to sleep?"

He'll get use to it.

We smuggly giggled! along with many others. I'm sorry but did they think college was CAMP SUNSHINE! People...People... you must prepare your teens to face a real world where they set the time for chores and work ...and sleep(maybe) and deal with aggravation and ...and.. and the opposite sex in their dorms ........at night OMG!

Here's one of my mantras TEACH TWEENS TO DO THEIR OWN LAUNDRY !

Read this very funny post about learning when you are being duped at verybusymomwith4

Evaluate tween behavior and attitude at A Parents Guide to The Teens Brain

And beware all you helicopter parents college is a NO Fly Zone ............ LOL

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Pretty Sassy Straw Purse for Tween Fashionistas

Time for a new fun craft for Tweens and Moms!

I picked up these very cute straw purses at the dollar store. They were lined with fabric and Only One Dollar - how do they make them so cheap? They did have some very tacky sequin decor on them which I easily removed by snipping a few threads. I chose a "Spring" design and a "Tropical" design but feel free to do your own thing as they say. Remember Tweens are crazy for choosing their own style and also LOVE crafts that are FASHION related. Teaching them to create their own style can save LOTS OF MONEY too, because a girl who can design, glue and sew loves the individuality of her wardrobe and often avoids the "cookie cutter" expensive fashions worn by the masses.

Wander through a Michaels or A.C. Moore craft store and you can get ideas for the design style you like. Browse through the jewelry and applique isles and something will "Grab Your Fancy" ........................Exactly what is "your fancy"? (Strange cliche )

Anyway Have fun.................. AND GOGO GLUE GUN!........................


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Tween Lolitas - ???

Our girls are growing up WAY TOO FAST! I don't mean......"it was only yesterday she started first grade and now she's going off to college..........sniff-sniff".(I'll be going through this in 2 months!) What I mean is why are tweens wearing .......well -- sleazy skin bearing outfits, highlighting their hair, loading up on makeup and shopping excessively ...

Hmmm.....where do tweens get their money?

Who allows them to wear pants with "Hottie" or "Juicy" plastered across their butt?

Who forks over the $50 at the salon to dye their hair?

Who thinks this is CUTE? Parents who are very ignorant of what it's like to control a teenager who dresses this way. Parents who don't realize the patterns of dress you allow at 10 will carry into the teen years. Your "cute" little, scantily dressed little girl becomes a partially naked, provocative women being watched all too closely by MEN of all ages.

What tweens want is to dress cool and stylish and this can be done without becoming a Lolita.
Here are some ideas:

Layer tops. Tanks and Camis under low cut T-shirts or shirts with large armholes or stylish cutouts. Stylish without a skin show.

Tights and shorts under mini skirts, dresses or holey jeans. "Funky"- no butt cheeks peeking out.

Leotards or body suits under low riding jeans. Cool and no belly bared.

Let them wear weird combinations of colors, patterns, inside out or upside down. It's an expression of Independence, and not demeaning to themselves. Allow fun and crazy accessories. Belts, hats, jewelry, etc. My dd wore black cotton gloves with the fingers cut out for several weeks to middle school. Why? ......... When I asked I got the eye roll, which we all know means " I cannot possibly explain this to some one old like you" It was a Michael Jackson look which was popular when I was a weird teenager. I should have told her that ............she would have trashed the gloves immediately! HA!



Let them use temporary dye to put streaks or more in their hair. Cheap and fun!

Makeup I say NO but you decide on that one.

Shopping as a hobby! This I will leave for another post because I will take off on a rant If I'm not careful. Tweens should be doing hundreds of other things for entertainment, things that build their self esteem and self image. Browse through a girl scout badge book. The skills girl scouts learn and explore are incredibly fun and teach them Independence and to value themselves and each other. I am a big fan of the G.S.A. program.

You control the shopping and fashion of your tween. Be with her when she shops. If you don't like her outfit - don't allow her to leave the house until she changes. She will fuss and whine and you must ignore this and refuse to debate the issue. Very tough sometimes,.... but you will teach her to respect herself and your rules. In the teen years she will be smarter about her self image and continue to respect your opinion.

COME ON.................KARMA!

OMG I am so excited - I'll probably jinx myself by blogging about it but..................BlogHer is having it's third annual conference, BlogHer'08, in San Francisco on July 18 and they are having a contest. They are giving away tote bags to the 1000+ attendees. Many of these ladies are the top bloggers in the country or maybe the world. The bag of course has the name of the conference, sponsers, date etc, blah-blah-blah........boring stuff on it.

More importantly, they are having a contest to determine the tag line to go on the bag, and I entered. and my submission was chosen as one of the 6 to be voted on in the next 10 days. The winning tag line will go on the bag as well as the .............are you ready .................The name and URL of the blog of the winner!!! I'm already envisioning it


GoGoGlueGunFun.com

up in lights ............I mean on the bags ...........and everyone ( all 1000) saying

" I have to go check out that blog with the cute name"

How cool would that be .............WAY COOL!!

Here's what I have won so far in my lifetime
1- A free rewiring of an old lamp ( I am not joking- that's why I remember it clearly)
2-A Pumpkin - I do love halloween
3-I was May Day princess in 2nd and 3rd grade - I was a cutie then....
4- A Fondue Set........well sort of, it was missing the skewers (used?)

And that's it for my whole 54 years .................I'm due for a WIN don't you think? Come oooooooooon Karma!........... I've been a dedicated nurse for 25+ years!

Oh,................ and here's my tag line

"Girls Gone World Wide", .................. cuter than me in 2nd grade!

So please go over to BlogHer the fantastic place for women bloggers to learn and chat and share ther wisdom................... and vote for my tag line !

Valuable Shadow Boxes

Here's a Very Cool Project I found at the Comox Valley Kids Blog and want to share - I usually only post my own crafts, those for tweens that are "keepsake" items - not paper plates, paint and pasta. Simple and fun to do but usually in the circular file in a week. Tweens are capable of making things that are useful and attractive and keepable - Is that a word ? They build huge amounts of self confidence when something they create becomes keepable (If spell check sayes it's not a word then I beg to differ).

My Design-A- Doll kits, Dress A Bunny, Rattlesnake Toy, puppets. etc. are all things to be kept and enjoyed and that tells the tween --

"You made something of value and You are valuable"

The shadow boxes can house lots of treasures such as; nature collections, school year mementos, concert or movie tickets & playbills, childhood mementos, old jewelry & watches, weird junk tweens won't throw away and you think is clutter etc. Think about what souvenirs you have stored in drawers or boxes that would make a nice display. You know tweens think your stuff is boring clutter! (LOL) Drag them out of hiding and turn them into artwork!



Comox Valley Kids Shadow Box Craft Tell them I sent you!

It's So Fine To Dine and Whine

How important is it to have a "family all together sit at the table with no TV on dinner"............. every day? Well first let's think about what we are gaining. Of course the food - which can be eaten alone or on the go. The "no TV" - that's always a good thing but can be done individually. The camaraderie and conversation................Aha! this is the true value of a family dinner with NO TV, I repeat NO TV. Look at each other, talk to each other - very important stuff. I work (as a nurse) in many different people's homes. I am surprised by how many families never sit at a table together. They eat at the counter - kids alone, TV blasting away. They eat in their bedrooms separately and alone. Parents eat separately or at a different time. Very strange to me. Any way with our busy work and activity schedules it is true that a group meal is hard to orchestrate on a daily basis. Try to aim for 2-3 group meals a week or at least one parent with the kids at the majority of the meals. Whatever works for your family.


It is so important to listen to your tweens. Let them unload the stress or highlight or their day. " How was school?" and "What did you do today?" are too cliche. Try " Rate today on a scale of 1 to 10? follow with " why so low/high?" .......Or " What's the next big project you have due?" Give them something to whine about - they love that and they will start talking. Listen to them now and they will learn to trust you with their worries. Don't judge and don't give advise unless they ask for it , just let them vent and let them draw their own conclusions. Offer encouragement ie; " why do you think that happened?" Or "What would have been better?" If they trust you now with their angst, they will talk to you much more as a teenager and that's the goal here people. We're working hard now to help make the teen years less "Bumpy" remember ? Bumpy is such a cute word to describe the teen years (LOL)